It’s 2022 already and we are riding the omicron wave. Feels like just yesterday when we took a nap after the end of our Bali trip, which actually was two years back. And then we woke up to the entire world in disarray. Just to put it out there, I rejoined my corporate job in 2019 after 3 years of living a nomadic life. Within a year, covid took over our lives and confined us to our homes. Along with it began a hard realization of matters related to mental health. And for a travel blogger, the lack of any sort of travel was mostly a bane. How has this pandemic forced us to confront issues we no longer could avoid? This is my take, from the point of view of a travel blogger working a corporate job.
The initial days and positivity
Remember 2020? When lock downs were announced all over the world? During the initial days of the lock down (it was for 21 days in India), I had sensed a collective resolve in people to get through this phase. There were efforts by individuals to stay optimistic and also by the society as a whole to spread messages of positivity. We became more aware of matters which during normal times, we would usually swipe under the carpet. Such as the importance of individuals in the essential and emergency services. Or the plight of the huge labor force in the country came to the fore too. And of course nature. As our days came to a standstill, well physically, there was a silence outside. People were not racing in their daily lives anymore and gone were the billions of vehicles. It was as if there was a temporary ceasefire between nature and modern civilization. “The earth is healing”, “Humanity will get better too”, everyone said in a state of positivity. Although at the same time whatsapp enthusiasts went into overdrive with fake information and their own take on the pandemic fueled by religious superstitions, overall there was a certain air of hope amid the disaster. I too was hopeful for my solo trip to Bali which I had planned for June. The key here is “21 days”. Quite naively, we all had assumed all of it to get over or at least get better after those 21 days. After those 21 days what happened? We all know.
Mental Health Matters. Finally we agree. Or do we?
Ever since the pandemic started, employees of the corporate private sector have been mostly working from home. For us employees, it all started as a matter of great convenience – no daily commute to work, no more getting stuck in traffic for hours, more time with family, time for adequate rest etc. It was even a chance for us to explore our creative persona. However, as the covid situation raged on for months, we were starting to get confronted by issues which were not quite obvious otherwise. Beyond family time and our creativity, the silence and stillness in our lives had started to make us aware of our mental well-being. Unresolved childhood issues, after effects of past trauma, coupled with the feeling of an uncertain future, made us really confront some uncomfortable truths. “What is my purpose?”, “Is the daily hustle worth it?”, “Why is the line blurred between professional and personal life?”, “Are my parents safe in my hometown?”,”When am I gonna see my friends again?”. These were some of the questions I had begun to ask myself everyday.
Unfortunately, it was during this very time I saw the worst of corporate culture in India. I would take a step further and say there is no culture in corporate India. That is because I associate the word culture with decency, dignity, empathy, honor and respect. And corporate India is exactly the opposite of those words. I have seen my own company washing their hands off employees’ mental well-being. The workload increased for sure with zoom calls scheduled throughout the day and arrogant “leaders” yelling and oozing their, well, arrogance. The HR department, in an attempt to show that they care, would send out a couple of emails about mental health webinars for employees, which we are given an option to attend, after fulfilling our ever increasing workload of course. In came the daily bouts of anxiety. I had started living a life where Saturday evening would bring in the feeling of impending doom of forthcoming Monday morning. I realized how messed up the whole circle is indeed. Employees in corporate India are never meant to get in touch with their inner self. They are purposefully blended into the circle to endure systematic but subtle mental abuse and lead a robotic life for 5 days in a week. And let it all drown in a weekend of alcohol or retail consumption or uninterrupted television time. I did not turn to alcohol for comfort. Instead, I resorted to stress eating and TV binge.
Does mental health matter? Yes it does.
Does mental health matter to corporates? Absolutely not. It never will. Because it does not serve their agenda.
Creativity (And the lack of it)
The title of this article has Travel Blogger in it. But in the above two paragraphs, there is no mention of my travel blogging. So, where is the travel blogger? The answer is, it’s not there. The travel blogger in me hasn’t been there since the last three years. Three articles published on the blog in the last two years is a testimony to the fact. Honestly, the creativity was just not there since the start of the pandemic. A lot of factors contributed to that. The never ending pandemic and the news of people and families suffering due to covid. The serenity of the solitude had now turned into a suffocating eerie silence. The lack of any travel or outdoor activities or any human interaction, being at a soul sucking job and living in a soulless city. It was everything. Gradually the lack of creativity was visible all around me. The travel photos on Instagram stopped, I wasn’t writing at all, I was missing the online photography classes and I let the job take over my life. For comfort, I eventually gave in to the usual OTT binge and unhealthy eating habits. At times when I picked up my pen and journal to write or opened the blog to work on a new article, I felt the block. There was no flow of ideas and in fact there wasn’t any motivation at all. The push for creativity that started during the 2020 lockdown, was now almost gone. I did try to write on occasions but words wouldn’t come easy anymore. In fact, on most occasions, there were no words at all. The lack of creative flow which had taken it’s full effect by 2021, is clearly a doom to any writer.
All is not lost
During the second half of 2021, life gave the slimmest of opportunities and we both decided to hold on to that. We made the best out of a worse situation. We moved out of the city which truly had become a concrete jungle. In the midst of all the uncertainty, we moved back to Goa, a place where we had lived before. A place which is home to both of us. A place where our friends were. And most importantly, a place where we would be able to live closer to nature. In the current situation, this is one of the best things that we could have imagined. Now, I am happier, we both are. I see some hope, not that there will ever be an end to the pandemic. But I somehow feel motivated, seeing a lot of people following their dreams and also the creative flow that is ever present in Goa. The fact that I am writing a 1500 word article is itself a sign that things can always get better. There is always a way out of hopelessness. Yes, it will take a lot of healing and de-conditioning to reach the mental health state I want to be. But the elements around here give me hope more than anything else. If we listen carefully, life itself is saying that all is not lost. In fact, nothing is lost.
Finally, when it comes to covid, there will always be unanswered questions depending on which side of the coin you are on. Real? Fake? Conspiracy? Truth? Man made? Accident? There will never be a right answer. Whatever the truth is, it might never come out and that’s something nobody can control. But one undeniable fact is, the pandemic has affected every human being, directly or indirectly. People and families have suffered and billions of livelihoods have taken a hit. In fact, I have seen the best and worst of people in the last couple of years. However, it all depends on what we choose to do with the one life we’ve been given. I have spent enough time and energy on a big corporation just to make them richer without adding some real value to human lives. This pandemic has given me enough lessons on the importance of self-worth and mental well-being. Writing this article, a sort of personal essay of the covid pandemic, is a step I am taking as a travel blogger to continue exploring places and stories, instead of spending hours frown faced in front of the laptop dreading every weekday. This is an attempt to get back to living a life where I would look forward to every new day.
